Memoir

Doubt

Today was a hard day.

It shouldn’t have been. I shouldn’t have let the drifting words of another’s opinion affect me so deeply. It didn’t make me doubt my skills or my vocation. But it made me question the execution of a certain task… which led me to go back and reread everything I’ve ever written on the theme, suddenly overcome with the sensation that I did it wrong – I did it all wrong, and it’s not good enough and I wasn’t the right one for the job and I’m not qualified and it’s trash and it’s not going to leave the impact or the mark that I’d hoped it would.

As a result, I’ve spent the entire afternoon scouring certain sections of my writing, growing more and more overwhelmed and depressed as I went.

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It’s so easy to forget, isn’t it, the things that God says about you when confronted with the opinions or the perception of others. It’s so easy to value their words over the Word. It’s so easy to discard the encouragement and nurturing the Lord has given you in your task when the enemy attack with the doubt and dismay.

The truth is that God did choose me to walk this path. He gave me this passion for His own good purpose. He is using me as He chooses. He has shown me that He is truly leading me, and that He really does have a purpose for me. The words of man can’t change that. I can’t allow myself to be so fragile.

My mother, wise woman that she is, told me what I needed to hear. I’m still struggling beneath the lingering echoes of those discouraging words but in the end, doubt can never prevail. God will comfort and succor me. He will draw me back into the rest found beneath the shadow of His wings. And this care I will cast on Him, as I have so many others.

“Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.”

1 Peter 5:7

 

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